wow, it's been nearly two months since I last posted...and they have flown by! So my little guy came a little early, just a week and few days, and was born on May 25th. Life will never be the same! It's been so fun but also exhausting...emotionally, spiritually, mentally and with little more than a couple hours of sleep at a time, physically! First of all, I'm in awe of God's grace and blessing on my life. We have been so blessed by our new baby, Andrew, and all our family and friends. So many great people in our lives! Friends and family have definitely made this first month so much easier! I've been overwhelmed with gratitude!
So...last post I said something about God teaching me to trust him and his timing through my pregnancy...wow, He was just scratching the surface. We ended up not moving into that tiny apartment; instead we just recently moved into an apartment that is actually bigger than our house...crazy. Praise God we didn't move that week cause I probably would have died. It turned out that my blood pressure was high and I was developing preeclampsia. I ended up on bedrest and when that didn't help, doc said let's induce...He didn't have to, cause God is sovereign and had a better plan...I went into labor on my own, water broke naturally and everything! It was still a little different than I had planned and hoped for, but hey, Andrew came out screaming and healthy, which is all I really cared about. He was tiny! only 5 lbs. 9 oz. So that made everything a little more terrifying for me...but back to trusting God. I really thought He was teaching me to trust Him through my pregnancy and for some reason, thought after Andrew was here, things would get better. I wouldn't worry so much cause he'd be here in front of me...WOW was I wrong. What was I thinking...oh I know, that I have some control. That's right...I figured once he's out, I'll know he's okay and I'll know what to do. So, again, I'm not in control. God is. He is sovereign and I am so stubborn. I've been reading this book about the Israelites and the Promised Land and feel like I relate a lot more to those Israelites than I care to admit. When reading through the passage of Scripture it's easy to get so frustrated with them. God just parted the Red Sea and swallowed up your enemies but now you're complaining that you don't have water to drink? Why were they not expecting God to deliver...I don't know, turn a tree into a waterfall or something...I think, how could you doubt so quickly after God just worked an incredible miracle before your own eyes...and this is where the comparison is so frightening. As I sit here and condemn them for their lack of faith, I am no different. Why do I constantly forget the times God has answered prayer, worked miracles before my own eyes and shown Himself faithful over and over? I'm now frustrated with myself. But I know God is not; no matter how stubborn I am and no matter how long it takes me to learn a simple lesson, His love is unfailing and He continues to be faithful and for this, I am overwhelming grateful.
So now I am constantly asking for His grace and just a tiny bit of wisdom and discernment for raising this kid. Everyone said your motherly instinct will "kick in," and I always said, "what if mine doesn't...?" I think my question was legitimate cause I'm still waiting to "just know" what to do. Most of the time, I'm at a loss. He's a mystery. I've been unbelievably blessed that Andrew doesn't cry much and he likes to eat and sleep. I'm sure it could be worse, but I'm still concerned way too much. I feel like using the word "concerned" is better and different than worry....this way, it's not a sin to be concerned, right?
Anyway, God is showing Himself faithful and Andrew is a growing, healthy boy. He's gaining weight like crazy! I guess that's why he started out so small...God knew this boy was going to love to eat! He's probably put on close to 4 lbs. since he left the hospital, FIVE weeks ago! I can't believe he's already over a month old. It did fly by, like EVERYONE said. Literally, everyone. Now I know why they say it...it's true. A small part of me doesn't want him to grow up (already!) but at the same, I can't wait until he starts laughing and talking and walking! There really isn't anything like being a mother...I'm loving it. Despite the exhaustion, it's such a blessing I don't want to ever take for granted. I'd take even less sleep and more worry...he's so worth it!
My husband has transformed into an even more amazing man. I didn't think it was possible but it's happening. He's stepped into the "daddy" role like a natural. He's so good with Andrew and it's adorable. He makes up songs for him and changes lots of poopy diapers for me...Cannot imagine what I'd do without him! Kids definitely change you...I'm still hoping to become a better person for it, but the jury is still out on that one. Maybe if I just learn to let God be God and stop trying to control things I cannot...oh and also stop being so concerned....and...yeah, the list is too long. Thank God for his grace and mercy on me.

Pregnancy is a funny thing...

Pregnancy really is a funny thing....It has creeped by up until the last month or so and now all of a sudden, I'm a month away from my due date! That seems crazy soon, yet not soon enough at the same time ;) I guess with my belly as big as the house now-a-days...people, ALL kinds of people, have begun to ask the questions: "So when are you due?" "You're still pregnant?" "Has he dropped yet? I think so." It's truly bizarre. Only in pregnancy are complete strangers allowed to be so intrusive. It's kind of neat and annoying at the same time. People have started to focus so much on when I will have the baby, that waiting a whole month till my due date seems too long. With all the questions and comments, my mind has started thinking, "okay, let's have this baby already," when really I have a whole month left. I definitely don't want to rush the little guy. I want him as healthy as can be, but am getting more and more excited to meet him by the day.
So, I'm back to trusting God and His perfect timing. Struggling...but really this is easy compared to the other things in life God is asking me to trust Him with...such as: selling our house as we are about to embark on life in a tiny apartment. We're planning to move into the apartment sometime next week. I'll be going on 37 weeks pregnant and am feeling like a water buffalo, useless to help do anything in the way of packing or moving. I will do what I can. I'm actually a little excited to start the move because it means I will be getting our little guy's room put together. I'm excited cause what new mother wouldn't be about putting together a nursery...but also because it's a little bit stressful to not even have his bed together at this point, ONE month away. I am such a procrastinator. I've even surprised myself with the procrastination throughout this pregnancy. Maybe that will change once he's here....I hear people change after having a kid?? Hoping it's for the better... ;)

so, I'm not in control?

Well, lets see, it's been a couple of days since I (first and) last blogged...meaning I should have plenty to talk about. Friday I took Nadia, our 8 month (ish, maybe 9) german shepherd to get spayed. I had to leave her at the vet office overnight and was actually a little sad about it! As I left the vet, I asked some legitimate questions, such as: "Are you going to feed her?" Maybe not so legitimate...but anyway, I guess the nurse picked up on what a loving and caring mother/owner I am and assured me they would feed her, she'd be fine and I could even call to check on her that afternoon. So I did....and they told me again that she was fine. We expected her to be a little lethargic after such a traumatic surgery, but as soon as we picked her up Sat. morning, she was same ol' crazy Nadia and very excited to be leaving.
Anyway, dropping my dog off for surgery and an overnight stay at the vet gave me a tiny glimpse into what it would feel like to have a sick child and I do mean TINY glimpse. I probably shouldn't even say that, but what I learned from it was that I really have no control....which is significant because this has been a recurring theme for my life lately...Pregnancy has been such a gift that I am so very grateful for, but it has also opened my eyes to the worrier inside me.
God has been trying to teach me to trust Him, COMPLETELY...with EVERYTHING...and also to find my security in Him alone. He's been hammering this into my hard hard head for quite some time. I'm beginning to get a headache...but loving every minute of it. I know and believe that God is Sovereign and that I MUST trust in Him and find my security only in Him, BUT knowing and doing are oh, so different. I continue to find myself completely stressed and worried over things that are OUT of my control. I'm learning day by day that most things fall into this category which is stressful for a control freak like me...and comforting to someone like B. He's laid back and actually comforted by the fact that he's not in control. It really does make sense. I know God will do it bigger and better than I ever could, so why would I want to have control anyway....
Two of our very best friends were in town for the weekend and we were able to spend some quality time with them. It was really fun and refreshing! They have a little girl who is one week shy of 6 mos. and so stinkin cute. She is such a good baby too! I was very encouraged to spend time with her and am praying my little one will be just as good. Speaking of my little one...he should be here in about a month! yea! I can't wait!
well, that's all for now.

The first one...

Well, here goes...this is my first entry to my first blog ever. I decided to create this blog just for fun and because I blog in my head all day long. Now I will get it out for anyone else to see....kind of a scary thought. I wish I had started this earlier, like when I first became pregnant! What better time to start a blog than the beginning of something new...Well, I'm starting it at the beginning of the end. I have FIVE weeks left of being prego and am beginning to get a little nervous! I've read way too many books and am now re-reading the ones I read at the beginning of the pregnancy. This may be contributing to my nervousness....but I can't help but think it's also beneficial to be informed, right? Anyway, we are super excited about becoming parents and think we'll be pretty good at it too ;) We've been praying for this little guy since the first day we found out and are completely trusting God to take care of him. We're starting to accumulate more and more stuff for him, which has been fun and makes it seem more and more real! My growing belly also makes it seem more real...it is getting BIG. Today I went with Brandon and BJ to play golf. I rode in the cart and took pics while they played. I do not play golf even when I'm not pregnant....Anyway, it was a beautiful day and really quite fun to ride around. B seemed to forget we were in a golf cart and not a go cart a time or two...we took a few dips and bumps hard at times, so I'm feeling lucky to not be in labor right now ;) Well, it's just about our bedtime, so I guess I'll bring this to an end...